TIME IS JUST BLOWIN' IN THE WIND

Here I am just chillin' like a villain.  I really need to put the brakes on this summer.  The weather has been excellent and days just continue to rush on by.  I have a theory that has been proven correct in the past couple of years.  Time is not absolute, it is relative.  When we had that massive under water earthquake a few years back, the impact caused the earth's rotation to slow, ever so slightly.   Based on this fact, I believe that time goes by faster relative to amount of fun you are having.  The more fun, the faster it moves.  There are some people that are so boring that when they talk, the sun stands still.  There are some people that are so fun, that time speeds by when they are around.  My handlers have some friends, Rochelle is one of them, and she is always very fun.  Time races by when she is around.  

Rochelle commented on yesterdays, post, noting that "redneck women don't just wear tube tops, but they wear them to weddings."  They also wear camouflage wedding gowns.  Rochelle would know, she was raised in a boat floating on the sea of rednecks.  She has been paddling against that prevailing cracker current for years.

Enough of the redneck talk for now. . .

Today I want to focus my attention on one of my passions; Lacrosse!!!  I know, most people don't really care about the fastest game on two feet, but it is so much fun to play.  I play every morning with a few of my mates and I dare anyone to play lacrosse and continue playing baseball.  Soccer is tame in comparison to lacrosse.  It is the perfect blend of the physicality of football, the speed of hockey, and athleticism of basketball.  Girls lacrosse and boys lacrosse are the most overlooked and under appreciated sports in the world.  Before the recent arrival of MMA, lacrosse was the fastest growing sport in the U.S..   

Besides the fun of playing, it is a fast paced game, which makes it great to watch.   Also, it is the oldest game in America, it is a Native American war game.  For all the guilt-laden white people, it is a form of giving back to the Native Peoples that we have wronged for the last 400 years.  My handlers like to play with me too.  Unfortunately, they have yet to find a way to slow me down.  My stature combined with superior athleticism makes me a tough one to stop.  I also, possess otherworldly stick work.  

I love most sports.  I just love some more.   It is kind of like ice cream.  You can't go wrong with ice cream.  I mean, its ice cream for heaven's sake.  I just like some more.  

THE LAW AND REDNECK CULTURE!!

The dog days of summer are in full throttle.  I could not resist using the tired phrase "dog days of summer."  Some cliches are just too easy.  What is not cliche, is the implementation of rules, laws, and justice.  I live in a place that I like to refer to as an island oasis in a sea of rednecks.  However, the tide is rising.  In this land, there seems to be a prevailing redneck type attitude that certain laws don't apply.  I remember last fall, during football season, the local football league asked that those attending the games, not to park in a certain area.  The area was residential and the people living there did not want a bunch of strange cars parked in front of their houses.  Seems logical to me and if I lived in that neighborhood, I am sure that I would feel the same way. 

Unfortunately, the Ford Truck drivin' part of our populace decided that the amount of taxes they pay, entitles them to park on any public street.  This may be true, however, it is nice to be a good citizen and respect the wishes of others.  I realize that it might have been some of this hardheaded-redneck attitude that led to the freedom from England, but it also contributed to the Civil War, racism, the KKK, and many other regrettable situations.  Well the neighbors had to get nasty and complain.  The league had to beg to be allowed to play on the fields.  The police started ticketing the offenders.  Rednecks lost this battle.  They will probably try to fight it again this fall.  

I don't want to sound as if I am down on the redneck cause.  Quite to the contrary, I find rednecks hilarious.  That redneck wedding show on CMT is the proverbial bomb!!!!   Redneck fashion is awesome!!!  I have never seen so many types of camouflage.  I see women at Super Target sporting pink camouflage cargo pants and capri pants.  Wow!!  Where would pink camouflage ever be functional?  Are these women planning on hiding in a field of pink hydrangea bushes?  

How about the Mullet.  It is a classic and will go down in history as one of the redneck staples.  However, that haircut screams economic ceiling.  Not too many CEOs sporting a mullet.  That would not go over well with shareholders.  Forget CEOs, not even middle management types can skate by with the Kentucky Waterfall.  The modern day equivalent of the mullet, is the goatee.  The durability of this beard/moustache hybrid is amazing.  Year in year out, dudes still rockin' the goatee.  I keep thinking that one morning, the collective goatee populace is going to wake up, look in the mirror, and realize that they look like an idiot.  

The list of redneck culture is vast:  camou-shorts, shirts with wolves and eagles on them, eagles and flags painted on truck windows, Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame) urinating on various things, over-the-top NASCAR stickers on your truck, gun racks, female silhouetted mudflaps, bad teeth, tube tops, Carhartt, questionable grammar, tramp stamp tattoos, bad dye-jobs, obese women with string bean boyfriends, a fondness for mud, CAT Diesel hats, cigarettes, and dirt bike ridin'.  

Isolated, any one of the above can be considered normal, but if you start to put two or three of these together, you have a redneck. I am a redneck in appearance only, but as you can see I have adopted a redneck attitude in the above picture.  I don't pay taxes, but a little ol' dog like me isn't a threat to anyone.  Maybe this is how the whole redneck attitude begins. . .

MAD PROPS TO THE GREAT OUTDOORS!!!

The summer months do rock my canine world.  I live in a place where three weeks in the summer are Africa hot!!  Actually, maybe Mississippi hot.  I once spoke with a Hyena from Africa who had some real horror stories about that heat.  We also endure three weeks in the winter that are Northern Minnesota/Southern Canada border cold.  The other 50 weeks of the year, I just thank my lucky stars.  Today is one of those sweet summer days.  Not oppressively hot, nor that humid.  On the "real" humid days, I feel like someone throws a soaking wet wool sweater on me when I walk outside.  My handlers, bless them, keep our house at a cool 62 degrees most of the year.  62 degrees is a great temperature when you have a layer of fur covering your hide.  However, leaving a 62 degree house to walk outside in the 100 degree 90% humidity, is a shock to the system.  I feel sluggish just thinking about it.  

I met a schnauzer from Arizona that told me that dry heat and wet heat were the same.  He said, "hot is hot."  Only a schnauzer from Arizona would come to that conclusion!!  Anybody who has spent anytime in dry heat and wet heat knows that the wet heat is a whole other deal.  The humidity strips your body of energy and you lose water fast.  

Of course this comes full circle to College Football.  My theory is that SEC, Big 12, and Texas teams have better teams because they have to practice on the threshold of Hell in August!!  This toughens the players physically and mentally.  

Lastly, I wanted to comment on the UFC 100.  It is great that Dana White and the UFC are having so much success.  These fighters are the best athletes in the world.  Even Brock Lesnar's behavior won't stop their momentum.  He is actually carrying on the long tradition of fighters who speak before they think.  Do we really need our fighters to be cerebral too?  I want to watch them fight, not have them over for dinner.  Brock Lesnar is an incredible athlete and can apparently make his opponent look like Frankenstein.  That's all I need.  I don't care about the type of drink he prefers, his opinions of other fighters, or what his training regime is like.  I just want him to show up and fight hard.   

I spend most of the year pining for this time of year.  Now that it is here, I want to soak it in and drink the marrow from the bones of summer.   

ROCK CLIMBING, CAMPING, AND COLLEGE FOOTBALL

On my weekends, I like to get off of the  treadmill of life and enjoy something different.  At times, this leads me to pack up my Jeep and head to the hills.    Rock climbing, hiking, and camping are great and really take me away.  There is nothing quite so relaxing as sleeping in a tent on a Friday night.  Friday night, for me, is great because only a few hours previous I will have been engaged in the "work" of the week.  

Fall is one season that I don't usually camp.  The reason:  High School Football.  HS Football and College Football hold a special place in my heart.  I love tailgating before HS games on Friday nights.  The sun is just starting to go down and the evening is still warm.  The anticipation of the upcoming game is buzzing in the air.  Catching up with friends and family around a common event is the foundation of life.  I love hearing the band warm up and the sound of the drum line!  The drum line is the best.  Once I hear that distinctive sound of a collegiate or high school drum line, I start to salivate.  It is a Pavlovian experience to be sure.  Being a dog, I know Pavlov. 

The palpable feeling in the air of a college town prior to a home football game is as close to heaven as anything I know.  Especially if it is a big game.  The whole town is focused on one topic, everyone is making preparations for the same end, and the town seems to shut down and attend that one event.  Karl Marx once said that, "religion is the opiate of the people."  I think that today's opiate is entertainment.  If I were to rank opiates, college football is the most potent.  Think about it, live music concerts rarely deliver a "fantastic" experience, the NFL is nice, but mostly disappointing, and baseball is 15 seconds of excitement spread out over 3 hours.   I do like reading books and going to movies, but they still lack that special spiritual punch.  

I attended a MMA event once.  I found the fights fun, but the crowd seemed to be full of troglydytical half-breeds.  The fighters seem like nice guys outside of the octagon, but their groupies are hating life.  Crowds at sporting events, that is a great topic for another entry.  I will save that one for another time. 

I AM BIG IN JAPAN!!!!

Technically in the photo I am eating American/Chinese, however, I have mad respect for the Japanese.  I think the Chinese are cool too.  Actually, I find most cultures fascinating, but the Japanese really float my boat.  

The Japanese developed for a long period of time in a very homogeneous society with strict class restrictions. This made for a sweet history.  Anytime, you have a "warrior class", I give you mad props.  

Start with  the samurai.  Rockin' sword skills and a strict code of honor.  Follow up with Ninjas and all of their gnarliness:  throwing stars, under the cloak of darkness stealthiness, and weapons galore.  If there were no samurai, we would never have had Jedi Knights.  George Lucas you owe Japan huge!

Not to sound too self-centered, but (isn't that what blogs are for?), I throw a mean star.  When I clutch them with my bulbous mitts, throwing stars become more dangerous than Chuck Norris on day 4 of a 3 day bender.  I have been known to core a wolverine at 300 yards.  Last summer, I went Sasquatch hunting with only throwing stars and and my samurai sword.  The sword was for hacking through the brush and scratching my back.  I trophied 3 Sasquatches.  My taxidermist charged me extra due to their ginormity.  I often nap in the talon like fangs of the adult male Sasquatch.  That trip, however, is a story for another blog entry.  

Back to Japan, sweet samurais, rockin' ninjas, shoguns, feudal warfare, and crazy sweet weapons, what a history.  I LOVE JAPAN!!!!!

DANCIN' IN THE SUN!!!!

Check me out at Robert Redford's Sundance resort!

What a cool place!!  You can ski here in the winter, mountain bike in the summer, and run into random celebrities any time of  year.  

It is only minutes up a canyon, yet you feel continents away from the rest of the world.  I just need to figure out how I can afford to spend the rest of my life playing, snowboarding, mountain biking, and checking out celebs.  

I didn't get in any Mountain biking this time, but maybe on my next trip.  In this photo I am just chillin' riverside.  

SHAMWOW!!!, dinosaurs were big.

My handlers put me in the mouth of a Giant Ground Sloth, at least what remains of the beast.  I am glad that I am not competing to mark my territory with animals this big today.  

I had a great time at the Paleontology museum.  Looking at all of those bones of these once enormous creatures made me hungry.  Although, I am not really one to dine on bones.  I much prefer a good mexican meal, cajun, or perhaps italian.  I am not too picky, a good hotdog at a baseball game, suits me just fine.  

After seeing so many giant remains, it amazes me that smaller species survived.  We also, seem to be much more fragile than our earlier ancestors.  Maybe it's survival of the weakest!

One thing I do know, is that I enjoy the creature comforts of this modern age.  Imagine living in places as hot and humid as Houston Texas in the summer, with no air conditioning.  Yikes!  How about having to actually get up and manually change the channels on the television or having your telephone attached to a wall by a cord.  Now that is primitive.  

I do believe that many forms of early man still walk the earth today.  I have been to malls and there I have seen people that resemble Cro Magnon man.  I have seen women that are Neanderthals.  I think that Darwin's missing link works at Wal-Mart in Raytown Missouri.  

Maybe we are not really evolving, but devolving into some mutant sub-species.  Time will tell.